Heavy In Your Arms
by myshipsaresunk
Summary: Picks up from Jughead joining the Serpents. With a war brewing between North Riverdale and South Side, Betty can't stand the thought of them turning into a reiteration of West Side Story, so she ends things with Jughead. It doesn't go as planned, and with all her friends struggling with their own burdens, Betty is left drowning in the darkness in her mind. !Warning: dark themes!


**Disclaimer:** All rights belong to the CWl, and all the men and women that created the _Riverdale_ TV show, books and comics. I take no credit, and I do not mean to break any copyright rules. This is simply a work of fiction made for enjoyment. No money is being made.

 **Rating:** T for dark themes

 **Author's Note:** Bughead forever! I totally ship it. As someone who grew up reading Archie comics, I was thrilled to hear the characters were getting a show. And while the tone of the show is completely different, I have found that most of the characters are still true to the comic origin - just put in a different situation, and so therefore they have developed differently. Anyone, commentary aside, Betty and Jughead have always been my favorite characters, and that has remained through the TV show. I think the two make a beautifully imperfect couple, so I wanted to write about them. I also loved that the show displayed Betty as struggling with what speaks to me as self-harm, and as someone who also struggles with that, I wanted to delve more deeply into that aspect. That being said, this fic is quite dark, and I want to warn people who are triggered by self-harm and suicide. If these bother you, then please don't read this.

The title of this fic is from the Florence + the Machine song by the same name, and I think the lyrics fit Bughead very well. It's also an amazing song, so please check it out.

 **Heavy In Your Arms**

Betty watches with wide eyes as Jughead shrugs on the black leather jacket. The South Side Serpents' trademark green snake looks strange and malicious on him. She finds she can't breathe as he turns around and catches her eyes.

His look conveys a thousand words, but Betty can't decipher any of them. His expression is as foreign as the first time she had met him.

Tears prick at her eyes when she realizes that she doesn't know him anymore. Her fists clench at her sides as she tries to hide her reaction, and her fingernails bite into her palms.

The gang members leave moments later, and it's another couple seconds before Jughead closes the front door and walks over to her.

"Betty?" he asks softly. "What's wrong?"

She swallows hard, trying to put words together into a coherent sentence. "You're joining the Serpents."

He doesn't back down his intense gaze. "Yeah. My dad is going to prison protecting these guys - protecting _me._ How can I not accept their offer?"

"They are dangerous people, Jughead!" Betty shakes her head, trying to clear her mind. "They sell drugs and accept sketchy deals. You're not like them. You're better than them."

His eyes narrow and darken, and Betty knows he's not backing down. Not this time. "My dad trusts these men. And he told me they don't sell drugs! Just because they look rough doesn't mean they're the bad guys."

"I'm not -"

"Just look at Cliff Blossom! He's rich and popular and he murdered his own son! Looks aren't everything, Betty."

"I _know_ that!" she exclaims. "And I'm not saying that everyone in the Serpents is bad. But someone was dealing drugs to Jason Blossom from them, and that makes at least one of them dangerous. I'm just worried about you."

Jughead stares at her for a long moment. "Worried about me? No, you're being selfish. You don't want me to join the Serpents because you're dating me and it would ruin your perfect reputation."

Her nails dig deeper into her palms. "I _hate_ that word! And if I cared so much about my reputation I wouldn't have dated you in the first place! Or even hung around you at all! And Chuck already ruined my reputation by telling everyone about what I did to him."

"So now you finally admit that I'm a weird kid. Glad that's out in the open." He turns around, his hands balled into fists as he paces the short living room of the trailer. "Nothing is going to happen to me in the Serpents. You're getting all worked up for nothing."

"Nothing?" Betty can't help but channel some of her pent-up frustration out. "You're joining a _gang_ when Riverdale is on the verge of a civil war! Have you thought about us? Where will that leave us?"

His dark eyes meet hers. When he speaks, his voice is softer. "Of course I've thought about us. Nothing has to change. We just won't see each other as often, but we can work through it."

"Juggie, we're talking about a war here." Betty strides forward so that she's standing right in front of him, forcing him to look at her. "I'm on the north side. You're on the south side. We've both seen West Side Story enough to know how this ends. I'm not dying so that you can be in a stupid gang!"

"You're being ridiculous! This isn't like West Side Story at all. There's no war going on right now."

Betty stares at him for a long time, unable to believe how blind he is. "Can you honestly tell me that you haven't noticed the crime rates going up? Or the gang activity? The Serpents aren't inviting you in as a nod to your father's sacrifice. They're busy recruiting so they'll be strong when war breaks out!"

"What happened to you protecting the Serpents?" Jughead suddenly demands. "You used to write in their defense, even accepting a message in blood on your locker. Now you treat them like the anti-Christ."

"I defended them when they were innocent! Now we have no proof that it isn't them starting to tear up the town."

Betty can see from Jughead's body language that he isn't really listening to her. He's angry that she doesn't agree with him, and she doesn't know how to make it better.

When he finally looks her in the eye, she knows it's bad news. "I finally have the chance to have a home somewhere with people who care. It's not my responsibility to make sure it pleases everybody, even you. This is my decision."

Betty feels tears prick at her eyes again, and she can't bear to be so close to him. She can't bear to be around him at all, in fact. She steps forward and pushes him aside and she heads towards the door. When her fingers are wrapped around the knob, she turns back towards him.

"This is going to rip us apart, Jughead. We're not going to make it. You had a family with me and Archie and Veronica, but you're throwing us away to be with the snakes. Don't come running back when you realize the truth."

Jughead is unmoving. "So you're even going to try?"

"There are a million things I would do for you, Juggie. Allowing myself to drown in the wake of your mistakes is the one I can't do."

A gaping emptiness fills her heart, but she can't look back. If Jughead is going to follow through with this, she can't be with him. She's fifteen years old, for goodness sake. She can't get into any more trouble than she already has. And though she loves Jughead, she can't open herself to more of the darkness that almost caused her to kill Chuck.

And Jughead of all people should understand that.

Betty opens the door, but Jughead's voice reaches her. "I thought you said you loved me. Now you're leaving me, just like everyone else."

 _I do love you. More than anything else in the world. But I can't sacrifice myself for you. Not like this, at least. Not because of a careless mistake on your part._

But that's not what she says. Her heart breaks when she replies to him, and when she sees the pain in his eyes, she knows she's crossed a line.

Betty slams the door shut and walks out, barely able to disappear out of sight from the trailer home before she bursts into uncontrollable sobs.

* * *

 **One Day Later**

 _Dear Diary,_

 _I can't believe I just walked out on Jughead like that. I thought I was saving myself from drowning, but without him, I'm drowning anyway. The darkness is still growing, and with my heart aching the way it is, I have no motivation to beat it back. I try to pretend like I'm happy, and with all the hype over getting the house prepared for Polly's twins, it's easy to hide my true feelings at home. I know I should talk to someone about how I feel, but the only person I feel like talking to will never want to talk to me again._

 _On one hand, I know I made the right decision, but on the other hand I fear I made a horrible mistake. The violence is getting worse - much, much worse. Archie's father was shot at Pop Tate's, and the crime is being blamed on the Serpents. I hope Jughead is safe. He's strong, I know, but I fear his senses are compromised right now. He thinks that just because the Serpents offered him a jacket and a seat at the Whyte Wyrm that he's found a new family. He was always an outcast on the North Side of town, yes, but he's not a criminal. I hope he doesn't turn into someone he's not._

 _I just wish he was here with me right now._

* * *

 **Two Days Later**

"Is your dad going to be okay?" Betty sets her lunch tray down next to Kevin's and takes the seat across from Archie. He's slumped over his food, and Betty notices Veronica is massaging his back.

Archie rubs his forehead with his fingers as if he's trying to rid himself of a migraine. "I don't know. It's still touch and go. It was really bad. There was so much blood - " He shakes his head, and Veronica leans closer to him, murmuring encouragements quietly.

"Do you think the South Side Serpents had anything to do with it like the news reports keep saying?" Kevin asks. Archie just shrugs.

"I don't know. He didn't have a gang jacket on, but he was kinda sketchy. And they have a legitimate reason for wanting to hurt him - he did let the Serpent work crew go once the business was safe to help keep his reputation from crumbling. It could have been someone who was mad at him for that."

"Whoever it was, I'm sure the police will catch them." Veronica moves her hand to his shoulder. "And your father will pull through. He's strong."

"My dad is convinced that it was the Serpents," Kevin says, sounding subdued. "I don't know what to believe. When I was with Joaquin, I believed that the Serpents were okay. Then he betrayed me - us - by not telling us the truth about his role in the whole Jason mess. Now I don't know what to think."

Betty presses her lips together and looks down. She understands where Kevin is coming from. She hopes that Jughead doesn't get caught up in anything like helping cover up a murder. He's not a criminal, but with everyone in North Riverdale calling witch on any and all Serpents - there's no telling what could happen to him.

"Betty? What do you think?" Veronica asks. Betty doesn't feel like admitting her thoughts, so she just shrugs.

"From what I've heard of what happened at Pop's, it sounds like a cut-and-dry burglary just went wrong. Mr. Andrews tried to stop it, and the perpetrator panicked and went a little crazy to try and escape. It doesn't sound like a gang organized crime."

Archie is watching her intently. When she finishes speaking, he asks, "Have you seen Jughead lately? I could really use someone to talk to, but he's not answering his phone."

The last thing Betty wants to talk about is Jughead, so she just shrugs. "I don't know. Maybe he's trying to connect more with his new foster family. I'm sure he'll be back to visit soon."

Archie and Veronica just nod, but Kevin gives her a strange look as if he can see through the holes in her story. She gives him a hard look in return. He grabs his half-empty tray and stands up.

"Will you come with me to throw our trays away, Betty?"

She knows she can't avoid this conversation, so she stands up and follows him to the trash. "What?"

"B, I know something's up. Why were you so vague about Jughead? You two have been inseparable lately. Archie and Veronica are caught up in some other stuff right now so they don't see it, but I'm not letting you get away with suffering in silence."

Betty takes a deep breath. She knows she's not a good liar, but if she has to make it count, then now's the moment. "Alright. You got me. Jughead and I are giving each other some space right now. He knows I'm busy with trying to help Polly get ready for her babies, and I know he's trying to get accustomed to a new school and a new family. I just don't want Veronica and Arch to know because they'll make a big deal out of it. Besides, they have enough to worry about with Mr. Andrews right now."

"Did you hear about Veronica?" Kevin asks.

"What about her?" Betty replies with a frown.

"Her father's coming here to Riverdale. He getting released from jail."

Betty can feel her eyes widen. She knows that Veronica is conflicted about her feelings towards her father. Betty doesn't blame her. The man's business literally _ruined_ some people, but he is still her father. "Wow. I didn't know about that. That's big."

Kevin nods. "I thought Riverdale was bad during Jason's murder investigation, but I think things are only going downhill. Who knows what Mr. Lodge is going to do here?"

Although Betty knows she should feel worried for Veronica, she can't help muster up much emotion. Her mind is still replaying her fight with Jughead over and over again. Each time she hears herself tell him that she made a mistake with telling him that she loved him, her heart breaks more. By now her heart must be unfixable.

"And in case you didn't know it, I'm pretty sure Archie and Veronica are a thing now." Kevin's mouth turns into a thin line. "I just hope this doesn't end like Val and Archie did. That was kinda messy. I don't want our friend group fractured."

"Me either." But Betty knows it's already missing a piece - a huge piece with dark hair who always wears a dark gray beanie and loves to eat Pop's burgers. Although the others may not know it yet, a piece of all their hearts is gone. And who knows if it will ever return?

The two of them return to the lunch table. Archie and Veronica are talking quietly. Betty feels like she's interrupting, so she grabs her bag. "I'm going to leave for class early. I have to go to the restroom."

No one asks her to stay for just a minute longer. None of her friends check to make sure she's alright. Not one of them offers to walk with her.

It's okay, though. Betty knows that her acting is flawless. After all, she's been acting like the perfect girl for as long as she can remember.

The perfect girl next door. The perfect daughter. The perfect student.

The perfect actress.

The bathroom is empty, which she appreciates. Betty leans hard against the sink in front of the mirror and takes deep breaths. Her mind is trying to sort through all the information she's learned lately, but without Jughead, she can't think clearly. Even Nancy Drew needed her friends' support, and Betty is all alone now.

She'd give anything to be back a few weeks ago rooting through Mrs. Grundy's car with Veronica or investigating a home for troubled youth with Jughead. Honestly, she'd rather be going toe to toe with Cheryl than here. Here, separated from her love, from her friends, hiding her true feelings.

Part of her wants to just admit everything to them, but she can't. Veronica is weighed down with daddy issues, Archie is barely holding on, and Kevin just had a messy break-up with Joaquin. She isn't about to add her problems to their already heavy burdens.

And, truth be told, the only person she trusts to talk about the growing darkness inside her is Jughead. He understands it; he doesn't fear it. The others would think she is crazy just like her sister and her parents.

Betty is just catching her breath when the door is shoved open and none other than one of Cheryl's cronies, Ginger, walks in. Ginger strides up to the sink and pumps the soap dispenser way too many times before leisurely rubbing the foam into her skin.

"You know, Betty, I always thought you were too good to be true," Ginger says casually, catching Betty's eye in the mirror.

"What do you mean?" Betty asks, her heart already starting to beat faster.

"I've been thinking a lot about what Chuck said at that party. About you going all dark and psycho. You always act like a goody two-shoes, but I knew it was a front for something. I just didn't think it was going to be that interesting." Ginger smiles with a fake sweetness, and Betty suddenly feels paralyzed. Her hands, clenched at her sides, are the only thing that can move, and they only shift so that her fingernails can bite into the flesh of her palm.

For a long minute, Betty just stares at Ginger, unable to speak. What can she say?

"So you can't even deny it." Ginger finishes rinsing her hands and walks about Betty to grab a paper towel. "Personally, I think Chuck got what he deserved. I just wish I had been there to see it all unfold."

Betty stands frozen long after Ginger leaves the bathroom. The bell rings for passing time, and then again to signal the start of class, and still Betty remains, staring at herself in the mirror. When she finally can move again, she lifts her hand up to see that her entire palm is covered in blood. She methodically moves to wash it away, as if she can make the darkness disappear as easily as the blood disappears down the drain.

* * *

 **Three Days Later**

"What happened to your hand?" Veronica asks, pointing to Betty's taped up hand. Betty forces out a casual smile.

"Oh, I just nicked it with a knife while helping my mom prepare dinner. It's not bad, I just don't want to risk it getting infected." Betty immediately searches for a topic change. "So, Archie, have you got any more songs written?"

He shakes his head. "I get parts of them written, but I can never finish. It's like I'm stuck in a loop."

"Well, he does have some good news," Veronica says, nudging his side and smiling. The edge of Archie's mouth curves up in a half smile.

"What?" Kevin asks.

"Archie's mom is coming to visit while his dad is in the hospital!"

"That's so nice," Betty says, reaching across the table to set a hand on his arm. "You never get to see her."

"I just wish it wasn't under such bad circumstances." Archie rolls an apple around in his grip. Veronica is watching him sadly, as if she wishes she could be more help.

"Watch out," Kevin suddenly says, staring over Veronica's shoulder. The three of them turn to see what he's staring at.

Chuck Clayton, in all his full glory, is approaching their table with a smug smile on his face. Betty balls her hands into fists underneath the table and takes a deep breath. She can just see in his eyes that he's after her.

"You should wear that wig more often. Black suits you," Chuck says, standing at the end of their table. Two of his buddies stand just behind him on either side. They laugh accordingly. Betty just stares.

"What do you want, Chuck?"

Chuck's eyebrows raise. "Me? Want something? No, I don't want anything from you. I just have a question."

"Go away, Chuck," Archie says, sounding weary, but Chuck just ignores him.

"What is it?" Betty stares at the table top so that she doesn't have to look at his smug face.

"Is that Jones kid your cousin? I just thought that since your sister liked dating her cousin, you might like that kind of thing, too."

Her fingernails puncture her palm under the table, but on her face, Betty just gives him a forced smile. "You know, Chuck, I date my cousins about as often as you get laid."

Kevin turns her direction to hide a smirk from Chuck, and Veronica's lip quirks up. Chuck blanches and then scowls at her. "You'll pay one day, Cooper."

"You're all talk, Chuck." Betty pretends to yawn. "You're boring."

He stalks away, and Kevin finally lets out a laugh and gives Betty a friendly slap on the back. "That was great, girl. You schooled him."

"He won't stay away for long." Betty slowly releases her hands under the table. The stinging pain doesn't even bother her anymore.

"That was awesome." Veronica high-fives Betty across the table. "I think I'm starting to rub off on you."

"He'll be back," Archie warns. "I wasn't on the football team with him long, but I do know that he's persistent."

* * *

 _Dear Diary,_

 _When Chuck approached me today and was antagonizing me, I automatically thought that I wished he had drowned in the hot tub. What's wrong with me? I'm not a murderer. At least, I didn't think I was._

 _The darkness is growing. I have to keep a permanent bandage on my hand to cover up the bleeding crescents. I wish more than anything that Jughead was here. He would know how to help me. His mere presence would help me. I actually entertained the thought of chasing him down for a little while during the day. He doesn't want me back, though. Not after what I said. He'll never want me back._

 _After school, Archie and Veronica and I went to Pop Tate's. The spot on the booth next to me where Jughead normally sits was empty. We all felt the absence. Pop Tate asked about it, but I couldn't find an excuse so I just shrugged. Archie and Veronica gave me strange looks but didn't question me further. I don't know how long I can avoid telling them the truth._

Betty wipes away a wayward tear from under her eye as she slides the gray diary underneath her pillow. She can vaguely hear Polly and her mother excitedly talking about baby arrangements and names downstairs. Normally such talk would get her excited - after all, she is the godmother - but recently she hasn't been interested in anything at all. She's skipped cheer practice for the past week, claiming she wasn't feeling well, and when her friends start talking about plans, she has to act excited.

She doesn't know how to battle the numbing darkness inside her, but she does know that when she digs her fingernails into her palms, it helps her clear her mind a little bit. Not anything close to how Jughead helped her, but it's something.

Betty just needs to figure out how to increase that clarity.

* * *

 **Four Days Later**

"Pick up, pick up, please pick up the phone," Archie mutters. He and Veronica are sitting on the bed in his room, his cell phone on speaker between the two of them. As each ring goes by unanswered, Archie grows more despairing.

When it goes to voicemail, Archie gives up. He's already left a dozen begging his friend to come visit, or at least to call him back. He doesn't know what's going on with Jughead, but he's sick of being ignored.

"We need to talk to him," Veronica says, echoing Archie's thoughts. "Betty is really starting to go downhill. She needs Jughead."

"But where would he be?" Archie lays back and covers his eyes with an arm. "He hasn't been to Pop Tate's in a week, the drive-in theater is closed, and we don't know where his foster family lives. South Side High is not in session right now, either."

They are both silent for a long time, thinking. Veronica is the one to break the silence. "Maybe he's at his dad's trailer. Jughead likes being alone to write. That would be a good place for him."

The two head across town to where F.P. Jones used to live. The trailer is dark, and no one answers their knocks.

"He's not here, Ronnie. Where else could he be?" Archie turns around in a circle. "It's like he disappeared from the face of the planet. We have no way to contact him."

Veronica gets a strange look on her face that Archie recognizes. "What is it?"

"Well…" She shakes her head. "Nevermind. It's a bad idea."

Any idea is a good idea to Archie. He's fresh out of them. "Tell me."

"We could go to the Whyte Wyrm and see if any of F.P.'s buddies know where Jughead is."

Archie cringes, remembering the last time he had been to the bar. He'd gotten slammed onto the bar table and half beat up before F.P. had come to his rescue. The last thing he wants to do is go into that bar, but if it means finding their missing friend, then he's game.

Veronica takes his silence the wrong way. "It was a bad idea. We can check somewhere else."

"No, it's a good idea. Let's go."

The outside of the bar is just as trashy as usual, and it reeks of cigarette smoke. Archie and Veronica push past it all to reach the doors. The gang member at the entrance glares down at them.

"Nice kids like you have no reason to be here," he drawls out, blowing a huge puff of smoke right in their faces.

"We're looking for our friend. We'll be in and out in five minutes," Archie promises.

"Trust me, we don't want to stay longer than that," Veronica adds, raising an eyebrow.

The guy continues glaring at them until Veronica pulls out a small wad of bills from her purse and presses it in his hand. He counts the money, then nods. "Five minutes."

The two enter the dark and grimy bar. Archie's eyes still sting from the smoke, but he blinks the small particles away. As his eyes grow accustomed to the light, he notices Veronica already talking to a guy.

"Do you know where F.P. Jones's son is?" she asks the man. "He goes by Jughead."

The man nods. "Yep. I know the kid."

"Well? Are you going to tell us where he is?"

"Look to your ten o'clock," the man replies. Veronica and Archie scan the room, and what they see makes them catch their breath.

"No way," Veronica whispers.

Archie can't believe the sight in front of him. Playing pool with a bunch of other Serpents is Jughead himself - and when he turns to laugh at what another guy says, he can see the black leather jacket with the green snake.

"He - he joined the Serpents," Archie says mechanically. For a long moment both of them just keep staring at the scene in front of them.

"Let's get this over with," Veronica says, starting to push through the crowd. After a few steps she realizes Archie is still frozen in place, so she grabs his hand and pulls him forward.

Jughead is just lining up his shot when the two break through the crowd. "You better shoot straight," Veronica says, right in his ear. Jughead's shot goes way off, and he jumps. When he sees them, his eyes narrow.

"How'd you get in here?" he demands.

"Money can you anywhere," Veronica replies breezily. "We need to talk to you."

Jughead looks around the bar, then nods. "Let's go outside."

When the three of them are in the alley out the back of the bar, Archie finally pops the question stuck in his mind.

"What the hell are you doing here, Jug? You're not a gang member!"

Jughead just stares at him. "That was before my father was thrown into jail. These guys appreciate his loyalty. They offered me a place. I wasn't going to refuse."

"It's a gang, Jughead," Veronica insists. "It's not safe."

He glares at her. "I can take care of myself. So what are you dying to talk to me about?"

"We'd like you to come visit us at least every once in awhile," Archie says. "You're our friend. And answer my calls, too."

Jughead stares at him for a long moment, his eyes unreadable. "I'll try to be better at answering your calls. But I can't come back."

"Why not?" Veronica asks. "Because of Cheryl? Or the other bullies at our school?"

Jughead presses his lips together and shakes his head. "It has nothing to do with them. I just can't come." He shoves his hands in his jacket pockets. "Is that it?"

"No." Archie takes a deep breath. "We need to talk to you about Betty."

Jughead's eyes darken and he shakes his head almost immediately. "Not interested."

Veronica's eyes pop. "Not interested? She's your girlfriend!"

"Not anymore."

Archie instinctively glances at Veronica, who is also looking at him quizzically. "What do you mean?" she asks.

"Betty and I broke up four days ago. That's it. End of story." Jughead starts walking back to the door. "If that's it, then I'm going back in."

"Jug! She needs your help! She's suffering, and none of us can help her! Don't you care?" Archie watches as Jughead pauses for a long moment, his back still turned to them. When he finally does turn, his gaze is troubled.

"I do care. But she doesn't. Why don't you ask her why we broke up?"

With that, Jughead disappears back into the bar, leaving Archie and Veronica just as confused as before.

* * *

 **Five Days Later**

Betty is in the middle of her lunch when Chuck Clayton comes to exact revenge. The entire lunch had already been awkward, as Archie and Veronica kept looking at each other and then at Betty, but they had yet to say anything. Betty is actually relieved when Chuck comes up.

"Remember when you're locker got redecorated?" he asks, raising his eyebrows. Betty knows he's referring to when someone had posted her articles defended the Serpents all over her locker and had painted over them with pig's blood to say "Go to hell, Serpent Slut".

"Are you finally confessing that you did it?" she answers coolly.

Chuck scoffs. "Nah, that wasn't me. But I heard through the grapevine that your weirdo boyfriend is a Serpent now. Guess you really are a Serpent Slut."

Betty glances at Archie and Veronica, expecting to see surprise on their faces, but they just look down at the table. "You knew?" she demands of them.

"We found out yesterday," Veronica confesses. "But we didn't tell anyone, I swear."

"So it is true." Chuck laughs. "Oh, this is too good."

"You didn't talk to him, did you?" Betty asks, glancing between her two friends. Neither of them say a word. She feels anger boil up in her chest. "Why did you go looking for him?"

"Betty, you haven't been acting like yourself lately," Archie says. "We went to ask him to come back and help you."

"I don't need his help! If anything, he needs my help. He joined a gang, for God's sake. And I can't believe you went behind my back!" Betty can't help the rage in her.

"We just wanted to look out for you," Veronica defends.

"You were the one who didn't tell us that you and Jughead broke up," Archie adds. "So I don't feel like we're the bad guys here."

Betty shakes her head, starting to feel tears prick at her eyes. She doesn't want to talk about Juggie, she doesn't want to go through this. She doesn't want to fight with her friends. But everything is happening so quickly now and there's no avoiding it.

"Jughead said you were the one that dumped him," Veronica says gently. "What did you say to him?"

The memory hits Betty like a truck, and she feels grief like an ocean wave swell up inside her. "I can't - I can't - " Her fingernails dig around the bandage on her hand to find exposed skin.

"Did you go all dark Betty and start thinking that he was someone else?" Chuck taunts. "Did you call him Jason?"

That's when the last string holding Betty together snaps. She stands up and punches Chuck in the face with one fluid motion. The momentum is enough to make the ex-football player stagger backwards.

"Betty!" Veronica half-stands, glancing between her and Chuck. "B, your hand is bleeding."

Betty glances down at her palm and sees that it's covered in blood. Chuck is starting to regain his footing, and from the expression on his face, she knows she's in trouble. And yet, somehow she finds that she doesn't care what he might do to her. All she cares about is that her friends are upset with her, Jughead's not here, and she feels like she's going crazy.

So she runs. She runs from the cafeteria and she just keeps running.

* * *

"Betty Cooper said she was sick and went home," the office administer says. "She looked sick. I'm sure she's fine."

Archie and Veronica exchange startled glances. They'd come looking for Betty, only to discover that she left school. Neither of them buy the explanation that she's sick.

"I think she's in trouble, ma'am," Archie says, trying his best to hide his desperation underneath a polite tone.

"Are you suggesting that Betty lied to me?" the lady shakes her head. "Betty Cooper is an outstanding student. And you two need to go back to class." After a moment of the two of them not moving, the woman sighs. "I'm serious. I don't want to have to give you a detention."

Archie and Veronica leave the office and walk out of sight before stopping. "I'm really worried about Betty," Veronica admits.

"Are you sure she's in trouble?" Archie asks.

Veronica purses her lips, then nods. "The first day of school, when Betty and I tried out for the cheer team, and Cheryl was saying horrible things to Betty - I saw her digging her fingernails into her palm. I didn't think much about it at the time, but over the past few days she's had a bandage over the same spot in her hand, and when she left today with her whole hand bleeding -" Veronica shakes her head. "I think Betty needs help. I'm worried she's going to do something to herself. Something horrible."

Archie begins to pace in front of her. "What can we do? The office lady won't let us leave. We're stuck here, and Betty won't answer her phone."

Veronica gets that look on her face that she has an idea. "It's a long shot, but…"

"But what?"

"We can't get out of school, but Jughead can. They're super relaxed over at South Side. Kids leave all the time."

Archie stares at her in disbelief. "Are you crazy? Remember how Jughead reacted last time we asked him to help Betty?"

Veronica bites her lip. "I know. But this is different. I'm honestly scared for Betty's safety. He might be hurting, but he's not heartless."

Archie doesn't think it's a good idea, but it's the only idea they have. He pulls his phone from his pocket and dials Jughead.

Jughead answers on the third ring. "Yeah?"

"I'm sorry sorry to have have called you about this, but we need your help." Archie looks over at Veronica, and she gives him an encouraging nod.

"About what?" Jughead sounds suspicious.

"Betty."

"I told you I don't want anything to do with that. I thought you'd at least respect that decision."

"No, no, wait just a moment, Jughead! Hear me out!"

"Goodbye, Archie."

"Did Betty tell you about her self-harming?" Veronica desperately yells. There's nothing but silence, and Archie feels himself deflate. He's about to tell Veronica that he must have hung up when their friend tentatively speaks.

"Yeah. She told me the night of the party."

Veronica and Archie look at each other and take deep breaths of relief. They at least have Jughead's attention for the moment.

"It's getting worse. Over the past few days, she's been having a rough time. Chuck keeps confronting her about things and she really misses you, Jughead. She's had her hand bandaged for the last couple days. It's bad. I'm really worried about her." Veronica's lips twist, as if she's trying to hold back tears.

"Did she ever tell you what her last words to me were?" Jughead asks in response, his voice dangerously cold.

Archie and Veronica exchange worried glances. "No," Archie says. "We didn't ask."

"She told me she loved me. Then, after I joined the Serpents, she said it was a mistake." His tone is uncharacteristically flat. "So sorry I'm not running to her rescue."

For a long time, neither Veronica nor Archie have any words. Then they remember why they called him in the first place.

"It's horrible about what she said, but I think she was lying," Archie says. "I mean, she's been looking awful these last few days. And just about ten minutes ago, she went home after a huge fight with Chuck."

"I'm really worried about her," Veronica chimes in. "Like, I'm worried she's going to hurt herself. We tried going after her, but we can't leave the school."

"So you want me to check up on her." Jughead doesn't sound convinced. Archie's heart sinks.

"Please, man. I've never seen Betty like this before, and I've known her my whole life. If you don't want to do this for her, then please do it for me."

There's another long silence before Jughead speaks. "Just this once. Consider this payback for giving me a roof to sleep under."

He hangs up, and Archie and Veronica immediately reach out and hug each other. Veronica has a single tear slip down her face. "I really hope Betty's okay," she whispers into Archie's ear. "I don't want anything bad to happen to her."

"Me, too," Archie agrees.

* * *

Betty runs up to the bathroom outside of her room as soon as she gets home. She feels simultaneously sick and numb - a dizzying combination that muddies her mind.

She rips the bandages off her hand, the dozens of bleeding crescents freshly revealed. Although she presses into them as hard as she can, the pain isn't sharp enough to give her clarity. It isn't enough to drive out the darkness.

It isn't enough to drown out her thoughts.

" _Did you go all dark Betty and start thinking that he was someone else? Did you call him Jason?"_

"No, no, that isn't ever going to happen again!" Betty clutches the edge of the sink, not caring that she's smearing blood on it, and tries to breathe.

" _Guess you really are a Serpent Slut."_

"I'm _not_ a slut!" Betty wants to scream at Chuck, to punch him over and over again until he can't breathe. She wishes she had drowned him that night in the hot tub. It would have saved her so much trouble.

Then she realizes what she's thinking. "What's wrong with me?" she whispers to her reflection. Her eyes are red and puffy, her cheeks wet, and her arms covered in blood. Her normally bright green eyes are almost black. "What have I become?"

She desperately tries to find a way to beat back the darkness, but the voices in her head are overwhelming her.

" _You should wear that wig more often. Black suits you."_

Betty reaches with fumbling fingers over to the side of the tub and grabs a razor. With shaking hands, she dismantles it until she's left holding a blade.

" _I thought you said you loved me!"_

"I do!" Betty cries as she presses down with the metal. "I do!"

She can feel the fight leave her as she slides it over her skin again and again. Her sobs grow quieter. "I do," she whispers, even though there's no one to hear her. After all, she is just a lonely girl in her upstairs bathroom crying by herself and talking to voices in her head.

For once in her life, she's not the perfect daughter, the perfect student, the perfect girl next door. For once, she's completely honest.

And the truth is ugly.

Her trembling fingers drop the bloody razor on the side of the sink. She can't stop shaking. As she goes to take in a rattling breath, she realizes how dizzy and lightheaded she feels. She tries to take a step, and her legs give out under her.

* * *

Jughead can tell by Archie and Veronica's tones that they are serious about being worried for Betty. He just has to decide if going to check up on her is worth the inevitable heartbreak.

To be perfectly honest, he hasn't been handling the break-up too well himself, either. Although he acts like he's okay, there's a chasm inside him aching for a blonde-haired, green-eyed girl.

When she told him that it was a mistake on her part of confessing to love him, it had really broken him up inside. But he still loves her, and every cell of his body yearns for her. So he's willing to face pain to make sure the light never fades from those bright eyes.

That's why he's knocking on her front door right now. He can see a light on upstairs, but after two minutes of knocking with no answer, his heart begins to race. He runs around to the back of the house, where a white ladder is propped up. He climbs it to the top, where her bedroom window is, and tries prying it open from the outside.

Luck is on his side when it opens. She must have forgotten to lock it, but Jughead isn't complaining. He slides through the window and scans her room before moving out into the hallway.

The bathroom at the end of the hallway has light spilling out from under the slightly ajar door. Jughead pushes open the door as he calls out softly, "Betty?"

His heart stops when he sees her body slumped on the floor, blood everywhere. "Oh my God," he whispers, for a moment paralyzed. His entire body goes numb.

Then he snaps into action. He steps forward and crouches down, cupping her chin in his hand. "Betty, can you hear me? Are you awake?"

Her closed eyelids flutter slightly, but her eyes don't open. He gently picks her up under her arms and heaves her up on the counter next to the sink. She groans a little, which he takes to be a good sign. At least she's somewhat conscious.

Jughead grabs her bleeding arm and presses a small towel around it. He secures it tightly to stem the bleeding then returns to the task of trying to wake Betty.

He cups her face in his hands. "C'mon, Betty, I need you to open your eyes. You can't fall asleep. C'mon, stay awake."

Her eyes flutter again, and this time they open a crack. "Juggie?" she whispers, her voice barely perceptible. "I must be dreaming."

"No, I'm really here, Betty, and I need you to keep your eyes open. Talk if it helps. Just stay awake. You can't drift off. I need you here in the present."

He knows how desperate he sounds, but it's a desperate situation. She's practically bleeding out in her bathroom, and if he had been even a couple minutes later, she might have already been gone.

He brushes his thumb across her cheek, and she leans into his touch.

"I thought I'd never see you again," she whispers. A tear tracks its way down her face.

"Me, too," he agrees, and he isn't lying. After she left, he swore to himself that he would stay away, that he wouldn't get involved with her or anyone else from Riverdale. But he missed his friends. A lot.

"I didn't mean for this to...to get so bad," she chokes out. "I wasn't trying to -" She falls silent.

Jughead takes a deep breath and steps back to examine her. Her skin is starting to regain some of its color, and it seems she's decently stable.

"Betty, I think you need help," he says reluctantly. "Professional help."

Her eyes widen. "My parents can't know. They'll send me away like they sent Polly away!"

He sighs. He understands where she's coming from; her parents are kinda crazy, especially about image and how they appear to the rest of the town. But Betty needs help - and not the kind of help Jughead can give her. "Then tell them you're getting counseling for school-related stress or something. The therapist can't tell them what happens in your sessions."

She stares at him for a long time with watery eyes before finally nodding. He inwardly feels like a huge weight has been lifted off his shoulders. Unable to take the intensity of her gaze anymore, he looks down and examines her arm. Her wrist is still bleeding, but it has slowed down significantly. "If you pass out, I'm calling the hospital. Otherwise I won't say anything." He catches her eyes again. "Okay?"

Instead of nodding she just watches him for a moment. In a soft voice she says, "I didn't mean what I said. Back at your trailer. I didn't mean it."

A sharp pain runs through his heart. He doesn't want to think about it. "We don't have to talk about it. You're not feeling well. You've lost a lot of blood."

She moves her uninjured hand up to touch the side of his face lightly. At her touch, he feels his body freezing.

"I'm not delirious, Juggie." He drags his eyes back up to meet hers, and he's startled by how raw and honest they are. "I love you. I really do. And - "

He shakes his head. "Don't do this, Bets. Don't make things worse. Please." His broken heart is still gaping and bleeding, and seeing her like this, and hearing her say these words, and being right here, right now, is like pouring salt all over it.

"And I want us to be together. No matter what."

He has no words. These are what he dreamed of her saying, but for some reason it just doesn't feel real. It doesn't feel genuine.

"And if we turn into the West Side Story, then so what. I don't care. Being away from you is death. At least together we have a chance."

Jughead is still speechless. For a writer, he can be awful at finding the right words sometimes. So instead of trying to express his feelings in speech, he leans forward and gently kisses her.

It isn't passionate. It's isn't a fiery explosion. It's not even a stable fire. It's more like a lone candle flickering in the dark. It's his way of saying that he wants to be with her, but they need to take it slowly. They need to talk things through, they need to work problems out. Together, yes, but also apart. They have a long path to travel, but he's ready to try. And he hopes she is, too.

When they pull apart, she leans her forehead against his. "I missed you so much, Juggie," she whispers. "Please don't leave."

"I won't," he promises. "I'll be here as long as you need me."

* * *

An hour later, Betty is curled up on her bed, sound asleep. Her arm is freshly cleaned and bandaged, the white tape covered with the pink sleeve of one of her sweaters. Jughead is just finishing cleaning up the blood in the bathroom and tossing out all evidence of the catastrophe that had almost happened when he hears frantic knocking on the front door downstairs.

Jughead peeks out the window to see Archie and Veronica watching the door anxiously, their legs tapping and their hands twisting together. They're just as nervous as he had been when he first came, and he realizes that he forgot to text them back.

When he opens the door, he can see guarded relief on their faces. "Is Betty okay?" Veronica demands, trying to push past him.

"She's sleeping. She's fine," he says, stepping back to let them in.

Archie lets out a loud sigh. "I was so worried. Thanks for being here for her, man."

Jughead nods. "I care about her as much as you do."

Veronica touches his arm gently. "And how are you?" she asks quietly. He knows she's referring to the words Betty had said at the trailer. _Maybe I made a mistake_.

"A little shaken, not gonna lie. But Betty and I talked, and...we're trying again."

Veronica's face breaks into a smile. "That's great! I'm so happy for you guys! Betty was so upset after you guys broke up. I think this will help her a lot."

Although Jughead appreciates her words, he's focusing more on Archie, who's staring off into the distance, looking...is he upset? Or maybe even jealous? But of what? What could Archie Andrews be jealous of?

"You okay, Arch?" Jughead asks.

Archie snaps out of it. "Uh, yeah. Yeah. So, um, what ended up happening?"

Before Betty had gone to sleep, she had begged Jughead to keep what happened a secret between the two of them. "I'm just not ready to tell the others yet," she had admitted. "It's embarrassing. They'll treat me like I'm glass. I don't want that."

So even though Jughead hates lying to them, it's what he'll do. He'll do anything for Betty. "She was just struggling to sort things out. I came over, and we talked things through, and it really helped her clear her mind. She's just really exhausted now."

"I'm so glad nothing happened," Veronica admits. "I couldn't live with myself if something happened to Betty. She's already dealing with so much."

"Yeah. She's strong, though. The strongest of us all." Jug glances back at the staircase. "She'll pull through. She always does."

 _She's the best of us,_ he doesn't add. _The best of us that gets the worst luck._

For the moment, though, she's safe, and she's his again. And that's all that really matters.


End file.
